Jurassic World Rebirth: six-limbed dinosaurs and a T. rex with an identity crisis (trailer).

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the genetically reconstructed jungle, along comes Jurassic World Rebirth—Universal’s latest dino-drenched sequel, this time helmed by Gareth “Godzilla” Edwards and scribbled by David Koepp, who’s been cloning this franchise since 1993.

And no, your eyes weren’t deceiving you in that new trailer—there is a deformed, six-limbed, mournful-looking tyrannosaur stomping about like it’s got a personal vendetta against natural selection. Say hello to Distortus rex, the franchise’s newest abomination, and arguably its most existentially confused creature yet. Half T. rex, half Lovecraftian regret, this poor beast seems like it was spat out of a blender that had Alien’s xenomorph and Star Wars’ rancor on speed dial.

Plot-wise, Rebirth throws us five years beyond Jurassic World Dominion, in a world where the dinosaurs, bless their cold-blooded hearts, have been mostly booted out of the ecosystem. What’s left of them are now loitering on remote islands like retired Bond villains. Cue Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson), a covert operative with cheekbones sharp enough to cut through Velociraptors, who teams up with paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) and gruff team leader Duncan Kincaid (Mahershala Ali) to sneak into one such forbidden island and—naturally—unleash hell.

Their mission? Nab biomaterials from the three biggest surviving prehistoric species to make a miracle drug. Because of course they do. It’s all very “fetch the magic DNA, save the world, try not to get eaten.”

Along the way they encounter a shipwrecked family, mutant beasties, and what appears to be the long-lost Jurassic Park research site—only now, it’s gone full horror show, with feathered flying horrors (Mutadons) and a Spinosaurus back from Jurassic Park III, newly beefed up for modern aquatic terror. Honestly, it’s less theme park gone wrong, more Freaky Island of Dr. Wu.

There’s no sign of the old guard—no Goldblum, no Dern, no grizzled Pratt. This one’s all new blood. Edwards is shooting the whole thing on 35mm film for that classic Spielbergian feel, and filming took place in sun-baked Thailand, Malta, and leafy UK studios—where, one assumes, more than a few animatronic limbs were traumatically lost to Distortus rex-related incidents.

Also of note is the film’s musical pedigree. Rogue One déjà vu abounds as Alexandre Desplat (briefly not replaced by Michael Giacchino this time) takes over scoring duties. He’s pulling in a full orchestra, choir, and presumably some jungle drums for flavour.

Here at SFcrowsnest magazine, we love this kind of genre chaos: ancient beasts, unhinged science, and pharmaceutical capitalism all squashed into one roaring nostalgia-fuelled package. Is it going to be scientifically plausible? Absolutely not. Will we watch it with a bucket of popcorn and a bemused expression as a mutant dinosaur flaps its sixth limb at the camera like it wants a refund? You bet we will.

Jurassic World Rebirth hits cinemas July 2nd, so clear your schedules, pack your flare guns, and don’t forget: if someone offers you a “miracle drug” harvested from a sea lizard the size of a galleon… maybe just say no.