My Pride And Joy : a short story by: GF Willmetts
Look at the designs I made for my new car. It isn’t just the streamlining to look good on the outside. Look at the streamlining itself. Perfect airflow. It’s the content as well. Comfortable seats, warming when needed in the winter. A voice-activated stereophonics music system. A multi-access fridge system so you can get at chilled drinks at the front and back seats. It’s also used to help keep the inside cool when the outside is hot. It’s an integrated system. It keeps track of the cars around it so they are kept at a distance and warns and evades if any get too close. Finest detection equipment you can have with an automatic AI unit rather than let any non-driver loose in this beauty. I’ve installed a foodbox as well. It seemed a good idea at the time for long journeys. With a twist, I can even do a mean barbeque. There’s a neat system of waste disposal that can be ejected into a dustbin when convenient so I’m ecology conscious. The food and drink stock is also replenished when down as well. That’s an AI circuit like you have in your home kitchen stock. I stopped short of including a loo. Hygiene problems I was told although I was considering putting one under each seat. There’s some more conventional ways for a pee.
For the people on the back seats, there’s a television system to keep them occupied. It can also switch to computer so they can play games. It can also be isolated so their noise doesn’t distract me, the driver. Who wants to hear kids asking if we’re there yet?
The front has a HUD system used to display without interfering with the windscreen view. Who wants to look down at the dash all the time? I’ve also got a pair of holographic dice so they don’t make any noise hitting the windscreen. Even better, they go right through the screen if I break suddenly. No glass broken.
The anti-theft device is second to note. I can even leave the windows open a little than depend on the air-conditioning. Did I mention the air-conditioning? Anyone poking their fingers or hands through will find themselves caught and an immediate automated call to the police, together with film footage. I was going to have a perforated edge on the windows but the police said I could be counter-sued if it cuts off any hands or fingers. They shouldn’t have put their hands there in the first place. The same applies to the locks. Not perforating, though. How can that work with locks without ejecting something sharp? The electronic locks are reset whenever I leave the car. The mechanical locks readjust in a similar fashion. Both are synchronised each time so can’t be second-guessed.
The dashboard drawers contains loose change for parking if my card isn’t scannable. I was going to have a delivery system but the pay slots aren’t at a consistent height. A lot of the time, not even in reach of the car where I park.
The windscreen wipers are very clever. Instead of sweeping the rain onto the road, its collected and used to wipe the glass. See, I’m thinking of the drought.
No problems with anyone trying to scratch the car sides. The paint job is strong enough to resist most things. Brilliant huh?
My friend seemed over-joyed. I have to ask one question, ‘Where’s the engine?’
‘ The what?’
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