Anaconda: Paul Rudd, Jack Black and a really big snake crash Christmas 2025 (trailer).
Well, well. Hollywood has once again gone rummaging in the nostalgia cupboard, brushed the dust off a VHS marked Anaconda (1997), and declared: “This could use a reboot.” Because clearly what Christmas really needed in 2025 wasn’t another Nutcracker adaptation but a giant snake film starring Paul Rudd and Jack Black. Pass the mince pies.
The original Anaconda, for those who’ve forgotten (or repressed the memory), gave us Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight doing a Paraguayan accent that sounded like Dick Van Dyke had a stroke, and, of course, a very rubbery CGI snake that ate people like it was auditioning for I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here. It was gloriously silly, inexplicably successful, and somehow slithered its way into five sequels, including Anaconda vs. Lake Placid (yes, that really happened – the SyFy channel has a lot to answer for).
Enter Tom Gormican (The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent), who clearly looked at this legacy and thought: “You know what this franchise needs? Paul Rudd with a machete.” And here we are. The new film follows Doug (Jack Black) and Griff (Paul Rudd), two middle-aged blokes undergoing midlife crises who decide to remake their favourite cult film out in the Amazon rainforest. Naturally, a real giant anaconda turns up, proving once again that the universe is a cruel screenwriter. Cue chaos, comedy, and quite possibly someone being swallowed feet first while screaming for comedic effect.
The supporting cast includes Steve Zahn (who was born for this sort of “hapless friend eaten by snake” role), Thandiwe Newton (to add a note of actual gravitas), Daniela Melchior (The Suicide Squad), and Selton Mello representing Brazil, which is only polite considering the snake’s stomping grounds. Also in the mix: Ione Skye as the long-suffering wife wondering why her husband is off re-enacting a 90s monster movie instead of sorting out the leaking roof.
Filmed in Australia (close enough to the Amazon if you squint), the production wrapped in February 2025, meaning Sony had plenty of time to polish the CGI until the snake looks less like a Playstation 2 cutscene and more like something you might actually worry about if it slithered into your tent. And if nothing else, we can all look forward to watching Paul Rudd attempt to remain ageless while covered in snake slime.
Here at SFcrowsnest magazine, we can’t help but admire the chutzpah. Rebooting Anaconda as an action-horror-comedy starring two of Hollywood’s most likeable goofs could be genius… or it could be the cinematic equivalent of feeding yourself to a constrictor. Either way, you’ll be watching through your fingers. Or laughing too hard to notice.
Anaconda unwraps itself on 25th December 2025 – so while everyone else is watching cosy festive fare, you can treat the family to Jack Black being throttled by a thirty-foot serpent. Truly, the reason for the season.
